


Tai Chi

by Rakshi



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-27
Updated: 2011-11-27
Packaged: 2017-10-26 14:30:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean pays a visit and Elijah becomes a Tai Chi teacher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tai Chi

**Author's Note:**

> I know next to nothing about Tai Chi. I researched for this story, but forgive me if I don't explain the forms perfectly.

Sean opened the door and walked in, dropping his bag onto the nearest chair. The living room was in its usual state of disarray and viewing it brought a smile to his lips.

Elijah would never be a housekeeper, but he'd keep one in business without half-trying, Sean reflected fondly. In spite of his reputation for loving all-things-tidy, Sean secretly admired Elijah's tendency to place spontaneity ahead of housework.

His PS2 was on the coffee table and Aragorn's face glowered back at Sean from the 'Two Towers' game case that lay beside it. A bag of Doritos and an empty Coke bottle completed the tableau and Sean wondered idly how many hours Elijah had put in this time trying to save his alter ego's virtual neck.

His tan corduroy jacket was tossed on a chair along with a rolled up script. Sean was tempted to peek at the script, but restrained himself and moved toward the kitchen. Elijah hadn't been here. Sean could tell because the room was immaculate. He grinned and looked in the fridge.

Bottled water! Sean smiled and grabbed one. As he closed the fridge a sound from the deck caught his attention. He moved toward the sliding doors, bottle in hand, and peered through the glass.

Elijah. Dressed in the pure white gi worn by martial arts practitioners. He was leaning forward on one foot with his knee bent in a classic Karate stance. His hands were in slow and supple motion, as though he was involved in some kind of graceful dance. Sean stood perfectly still and silent, watching him. Elijah's face was sober, his eyes dark with focused concentration.

The movements of his hands and body were elegant, and balanced perfectly by the placement of his feet. The sight filled Sean with awe. He’d never seen anything quite so flawless. If Elijah had been standing perfectly still, the image of him in the pure white of the gi would have rendered Sean speechless. But the agility of his movements combined with his ballet-like grace added a component that, at first, Sean couldn’t even identify.

He shivered as Elijah executed a well-crafted turn and the word "power" flowed into his mind. ‘Not just power,’ Sean thought. ‘Controlled power.’ Power so focused that he has to pass into his inner self completely in order to tap its core. He was a bird tensed to take flight. He was a snake the split second before striking. He was the poetry of the wind sweeping the prairie.

‘God,’ Sean thought wistfully. ‘I could never look like that.’

As he watched Elijah, enraptured, Sean suddenly realized he wasn't breathing and inhaled sharply. His hands jerked and the water bottle slid from his fingers. Sean swayed, reaching to grab it, and bumped into the sliding glass door.

Elijah wheeled toward him, his hands still extended in a graceful pose. His mouth widened in a delighted grin when he saw Sean, and he waved, motioning him onto the deck.

Sean pushed the sliding door open, annoyed at his own clumsiness. He had bumped the door and interrupted Elijah's exercise routine, and though Elijah didn't seem to mind in the slightest, Sean minded a great deal. He was astounded by the sense of loss he felt. What he had just seen was remarkable, and he wanted more.

"Hey!" Elijah laughed, moving quickly toward him. "I'm glad you're here. I've been missing you."

Sean enfolded him in a full-body, 'Sean Astin special', bear hug. "Grrrrrrr!" he growled playfully, nuzzling Elijah's cheek. "I've been missing you too!"

Elijah exploded into an exuberant, high-pitched giggle and turned his head to return Sean's nuzzle, kissing his cheek for good measure.

"Can you stay?" he asked, dropping his eyes, his hands still resting on Sean's shoulders.

Sean took Elijah's hands and pressed them against his lips. He waited until the dark head lifted and the cobalt eyes sought his, and then he smiled and nodded, his lips moving softly over fingers that had curved to grasp his hands in return.

Elijah nodded slowly. He leaned against Sean's body for a moment then backed away and turned to grab his own water bottle that was sitting on the wooden floor of the deck. Sean flopped in a deck chair and stared at him.

"What was that you were doing?" he asked quietly.

Elijah raised his eyebrows enquiringly, swigging from his water bottle. "Oh," he replied. "Those were a few Tai Chi forms. You knew I'd taken lessons didn't you?"

Sean nodded. "Yeah. Just never seen you do it before."

"What did you think of it?" Elijah asked, throwing himself into a deck chair and draping his leg over the arm.

For a moment Sean studied his water bottle in silence. Then he looked into Elijah's eyes and shook his head in confusion. "I don't know how to tell you what I thought of it. I can't find the words to explain it to myself, let alone you."

Elijah shrugged. "It's good for me. When I don't do it for awhile and then do it again, I'm kicking my own ass because I've waited so long, you know?"

Sean nodded. "You took my breath away," he said softly. "It was as if you were going to take flight."

Elijah smiled softly for a moment, then cast a doubtful look in Sean's direction and winked. "I don't weigh very much, but I doubt if I could take flight."

"I said it wrong," Sean told him quietly. "I should have said: 'It was as if your spirit was going to take flight.'"

They stared at each other for a long moment, and then, simultaneously, dropped their eyes. Sean didn’t raise his head when he heard Elijah’s voice from across the deck, soft and low. “That was a beautiful thing to say, Sean.”

Sean glanced up and shrugged. “Just how I saw it.”

Elijah nodded and stood up, stretching, arms reaching upward to the sky. Sean watched him, his face filled with yearning, hoping so much that Elijah would do the Tai Chi forms again. Instead he moved toward Sean and leaned over, dropping both hands onto the arms of Sean's chair, bending his face forward until their foreheads were nearly touching.

"Do it with me," he whispered.

"Lij, I can't!" Sean protested. "I don't know how."

"I'll teach you," Elijah whispered. Then he leaned back and looked into Sean's eyes again. "Please," he murmured. His voice was low and filled with appeal. "Let me, Sean."

Sean looked up at him, his mouth and eyes screwed into a look of uncertainty. “Lij, I’ve never been good at that kind of stuff. I lift weights and run on the treadmill. But what you were doing was different. It was like… ballet almost. I’m not sure I could do it.”

Elijah pressed their foreheads together, his eyes an inch away from Sean’s hazel orbs. “Try it just once?” A moment of silence, and then, more quietly: “Please, Sam. For me?”

Sean’s sigh signaled his defeat. “You don’t play fair. You do know that don’t you.” He put his hands on Elijah’s shoulders and pushed him back gently, depositing his bottle of water on the table as he stood.

“OK,” he said resignedly. “Teach me.”

Elijah smiled broadly. “Take your jacket off.” He reached to help Sean strip off his jacket and threw it over a chair. Then he stepped back and examined Sean critically. “Wonder if my other gi would fit you,” he mused half to himself.

Sean gave him a doubtful look and shook his head. “God, babe. I doubt it.”

“Sweats!” Elijah cried, snapping his fingers. “Did you bring sweats with you?”

“Yeah,” Sean replied. “They’re in my bag in the living room.”

“Put them on,” Elijah urged. “I do Tai Chi in sweats all the time. Works great. Your jeans are too tight.”

Sean grinned at him as he turned toward the sliding door. “Is that so.”

Elijah laughed. “Alright, wanker! They’re too tight for this! Not too tight for other purposes.”

Sean wandered back into the living room and grabbed his bag. The downstairs bathroom was nearby so he walked in and stripped off his jeans and shoes. As he was hanging his jeans over a towel rack, he felt a dull stab of fear muddy his stomach. He grabbed his sweat pants and then froze with them dangling in his hand, frowning into the bathroom mirror.

The face that frowned back was still new to him. Thinner, more gaunt than Sam’s familiar countenance. He saw himself biting his lower lip and forced himself to stop. His cheekbones were more angular now and his eyes seemed bigger. Is this face handsome? Sean wondered. He leaned closer to the mirror, staring into his own eyes. “You don’t want to look like a fool to him, do you. That’s why you’re scared of this.”

He sighed and pulled the sweatpants on. No point worrying about it now, he mused. Elijah had asked and he had promised. It was a done deal. He’d just do his best and hope he didn’t trip over his own feet.

He padded back to the deck in his stocking feet and found Elijah moving chairs out of the way, clearing some space.

He glanced at Sean and nodded. “Good! That’ll work great.”

"OK," Elijah told him. "Stand beside me. And think of a channel of energy coming up from the Earth, flowing through your body."

Sean moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him, then grinned and nudged his arm playfully. "You mean my Chi?" he asked.

Elijah rolled his eyes. "Forgot who I was talking to," he laughed. "OK, smart ass, don't flaunt your degrees at me here. I get to be the teacher this time."

Sean laughed. "OK, teach. I’m all yours."

"The energy," Elijah began, then he grinned. "The Chi," he corrected. "Flows through your body. The forms help you find an inner balance. Helps the energy flow smoothly." He turned to Sean. "At least that's what I was taught."

"The first form is called a preparation form," Elijah told him. Stand with your feet together. Arms at your sides. And, relax."

"That I can do," Sean said, moving to imitate Elijah's stance.

"Then," Elijah said quietly. "Lift your left foot up, heel first, them place it down so that your feet are as far apart as your shoulders. Slowly."

Sean followed his movements without speaking.

"Now lift your arms slowly, hands relaxed. It's as though you have two balloons under your hands that are lifting them. Bring them to shoulder height, and as you do, inhale."

Sean followed him perfectly and Elijah grinned at him. "Very good, Mr. Astin!" he teased. "We'll make a Karate Kid outta you yet!"

Sean snorted, hands held at shoulder height, and glanced over at Elijah. "Mr. Miyagi you ain't, ring boy."

Elijah laughed. "Wax-a on," he quipped, rotating his hands and imitating the movie. "Wax-a off!"

Sean burst into giggles and fell completely out of his Tai Chi stance.

"Now just look at you," Elijah griped. "No attention span at all here, Astin. You have to focus!"

"Well, I'll make a deal with you," Sean told him with a big grin. "You stop doing Pat Morita imitations, and I'll get focused."

"Deal?" Elijah asked, holding out his hand to shake.

"Deal,” Sean told him, shaking his hand.

Elijah scowled. "Un-satis-factory," he grumbled, walking toward Sean. Without missing a beat, he leaped up into Sean's arms, wrapped his legs around Sean's waist, and kissed him soundly. "Deal?" he asked again, laughing.

Sean kissed him back. "Done deal!" he agreed, nuzzling Elijah's neck.

When Elijah giggled and made no move to get down, Sean leaned back a bit and looked into his eyes. "Can I sit you back down now so you can finish teaching me? Kinda hard to do the forms like this." He bounced Elijah hard a couple times, his arms still holding tight.

"Yes. Sit me down," Elijah sighed in faked frustration. "You're a very disruptive pupil."

Sean sat him gently on his feet. "And you, sir, are a very disruptive teacher. I also feel I have to warn you. You keep kissing me like that and class will probably have to be dismissed early."

Elijah giggled again. "OK!" he yelped. "We're serious here now."

Sean put on a poker face and stood once again at Elijah's shoulder.

For a moment there was silence. Then…

"Snatch the pebble from my hand, gwaaaasshappah," Sean drawled in a very poor imitation of Master Ken.

Elijah doubled over, laughing too hard to breathe, with Sean right beside him doing the same thing.

"OK," Elijah said, getting himself under control. "Enough! We're doing this now."

Sean nodded, cleared his throat, and shook himself as if trying to get control. "OK," he replied. "Serious now."

They looked at each other and burst into explosive giggles again. Elijah clutched Sean's arm and laughed hysterically. "Grasshopper!" he sputtered. "Grasshopper!"

Finally they managed to restrain themselves enough to go on. Elijah stood, once again, with his arms raised to shoulder height. "Go back to this point," he told Sean.

Sean raised his arms as well, and Elijah looked at him carefully. "Relax your hands a bit more," he instructed. "Remember the balloons."

Sean nodded and cupped his hands, relaxing his fingers.

"Now," Elijah said. "Lower your hands slowly to about waist level, and exhale. As you do, bend your knees. End up looking like I'm looking here."

Sean glanced at him and moved to match his position.

"Great!" Elijah said. "Now, let's do it again with no horsing around half way through."

Sean glanced at him, and they both smiled.

"Starting position," Elijah said.

They both moved to the starting stance.

"And… now," Elijah said quietly.

They both moved their feet and hands through the first form.

"You're going a bit too fast," Elijah told him. "Slow down. Think about directing a movie and needing a slow motion scene. Tai Chi is all done at that rate of speed."

Sean nodded, and they tried it again.

After going through it several times, Elijah felt that Sean had the first form down well enough to move to the second one, and then the third. "This one's a bit more complicated," he cautioned. "But it's not hard or anything."

He demonstrated for Sean first. "See, Sean? My hands go from the 'hold the ball position' then go up in a circle; my eyes end up looking past my right hand. See how it flows from the last place we were in the second form?"

Sean's stockier build, even with his new weight loss, made executing the forms harder than it was for Elijah with his much more slender frame. But Sean found a balance of his own and was soon following Elijah's moves almost perfectly.

After they had done the third form a few times they tried them all together. Sean took a deep breath and Elijah counted down for them. "And… now," he chanted in a low voice.

Sean did the moves perfectly, but his eyes watched Elijah constantly and after a moment Elijah stopped and turned to him. "Listen to me," he said quietly. "You've always worried about controlling externals so that everyone around you stays safe. With this stuff you have to forget the externals. You have to work from a different place inside you."

Sean looked at him and frowned, not understanding.

"Don't look at me," Elijah told him. "Trust that I'm doing exactly what you're doing. Go inside and find that part of you that's connected to me. Do the forms from that space. I know that sounds weird... but--"

"No," Sean interrupted, reaching out to smooth his hair. "It doesn't sound weird at all. It sounds right."

They stood side by side again, and Elijah spoke softly: "And… now."

They both looked straight ahead and performed the Tai Chi. Sean tried not to worry about how he looked or if he was making mistakes. He simply tried to work his way, slowly, through the exercises, focusing on his breathing. When the forms were completed, he turned to Elijah and saw he was at least a step behind Sean in finishing.

"I’m going too fast still," Sean said quietly.

"It's how we're used to moving," Elijah shrugged. "We're always running. Look at the pace of your life, Sean. And mine is pretty much the same. It's natural that you'd have trouble going slow." He looked at Sean and smiled. "You never do, buddy."

Sean stared at his feet and gnawed the inside of his lower lip. Elijah knew his mind was replaying every single move of the forms they'd just done, searching for the imperfections in his routine.

Elijah watched him for a long moment. Better than anyone else alive, he understood Sean's need to be perfect. His drive to achieve and over-achieve was fueled by a childhood where imperfections meant rejection and pain. Where failure to achieve meant the loss of love. Sean's discouragement was written in the twisting of his handsome face and the slump of his body. These were signs that Elijah knew well, and his heart ached with the need to comfort his friend.

"Hey," Elijah said softly. "These forms aren't easy. Not even the opening forms are easy. They're a discipline. They're not meant to be learned in a day, buddy."

Sean looked up at him and smiled. "You mean they're a journey rather than a destination?"

Elijah nodded.

"Like us." Sean mused quietly.

Elijah looked at him and stretched out his hand to stroke Sean's face. "You're the journey and the destination," he said mildly.

Sean took a deep breath. "Lij, why do I feel so scared of doing this with you? So self-conscious."

Elijah's eyes widened slowly, obviously confused. "God, I don’t know, Seanie. Why do you? You've got a great body and you're more graceful in motion than I am."

"I guess I don't believe it's me," Sean whispered.

"Don't believe what's you?" Elijah questioned, narrowing his eyes at Sean.

"The guy in the mirror," Sean said softly.

Elijah grabbed his water bottle and walked to the table to grab Sean’s. “Let’s take a short break.” He handed Sean his water and sat down in the deck chair, once again draping his leg over the arm. Sean sat down as well and smiled at him.

“You do it so well,” he said with a touch of pride in his voice. "And you're a good teacher too. That's not easy."

"You're actually a better student than I thought you'd be," Elijah told him, laughing.

"Oh, nice!" Sean growled.

"No," Elijah said, shaking his head. "I knew you'd do the forms OK technically. But I was afraid you'd have trouble relaxing into them. You know… feeling them. But you don't."

Sean shrugged and swigged from his water bottle. "I can see how they all flow together. I can see how they keep you in balance and centered. What's throwing me is the speed. And that's revealing."

Elijah smiled. "Yeah. I had no trouble with the speed. But I kept falling over because I'd always take the form too far and go back out off balance." He smirked at Sean. "Revealing?"

Sean grinned at him. "Well, actually, yeah." He giggled and flicked his water-wet fingers at Elijah's face. A few drops landed on his cheek and Sean stood up, bent over him, and licked them off. He leaned back far enough to look into Elijah's eyes, lightening blue and crinkling with laughter. "I love you for doing this for me," he said softly. "Teaching me like this."

Elijah lifted his head and kissed Sean's lips softly. "As I recall, Seanwise, I asked you to do this. And had to emotionally nudge you with a 'Sam' or two before you'd agree."

Sean nodded and kissed him back. "Your methods were shameless, and no mistake," he said in Sam's soft voice. "But I'm really enjoying the process."

Elijah looked at Sean thoughtfully for a moment, then stood up, leaning on Sean's shoulders. "Listen. I have an idea that might make a difference here. Do the forms facing me. It'll be different because we'll be working from opposite sides, but maybe it'll help slow you down."

Sean swallowed hard. At least standing side by side, Elijah couldn't really see him. Couldn't see it if his moves were clumsy. Couldn't see how poor his sense of timing was. But, facing each other it would all be revealed. He took a deep breath and moved to where Elijah was standing.

They stood facing each other. Elijah smiled at him and raised his arms in front of him, crossed at the wrists. "Salute," he mouthed without really speaking. Sean smiled at him.

"And… now," Elijah said softly.

They hadn't been doing the moves for more than two seconds when Elijah stopped them.

"Wait," he said, grabbing Sean's arm. "Do this for me, OK Sam?"

Sean nodded.

"Let's move through them twice. And look into my eyes, Sean," Elijah said. "Don't look at my hands or feet. Look into my eyes."

Sean swallowed again. 'What does it matter if you don't do it perfectly?' he thought acidly. 'What does it matter if you don't look as graceful as a swan? Do you think he'd stop caring about you for it? What's wrong with you?'

"And… now," Elijah chanted softly.

Sean looked into his eyes and began the exercises. 'God, his eyes are glorious,' Sean thought. 'His soul is so much older than mine.' He felt a stirring in his heart and a sense of wholeness filled him. A feeling of completeness, of needing nothing more than this moment. He'd never experienced anything like it before. And as he moved slowly through the Tai Chi moves, it struck him that he had touched a part of himself that had formerly been buried in some lonely abyss. A part that was beautiful, and graceful, and deft in movement.

He shifted his body, never taking his eyes from Elijah's, and realized suddenly that the Tai Chi moves first took him out of balance, and then countered with a move that restored his balance. And he thought how his relationship with Elijah had done the same thing. Thrown him off balance. Toppled his life, as he had known it, and thrown him into a dark pit of pain and longing and guilt. A pit he would have stayed in forever had it not been for the steadfast love of the friend whose sapphire eyes were now locked on his.

He slowly lowered his right hand as he moved his left foot to achieve the new balance. He thought about the healing that had come to him through Elijah's love. How Elijah's love, and faith in the rightness of their relationship, had restored the balance of his life and brought a new peace.

As they repeated the forms, the sense of wholeness touched him again. But this time Sean knew that the feeling of completion reflected a unity with Elijah that he'd never felt before. Oneness on in inner level where they had never before touched. He knew that Elijah saw him as beautiful, and graceful, and deft in movement. And he knew Elijah was right. He was all those things. At least in the eye of this beholder.

A feeling of harmony with the beloved friend who stood across from him filled and lifted his spirit. He felt as though he could soar to the heavens. At the same time, a deep sense of inner stillness also touched him. A balance created by love was born in his spirit. Not only Elijah's love for him and his love for Elijah. Sean also felt a growing sense of love and compassion for both the man he was and the man he was becoming. He felt unafraid as he faced the journey of discovery that would help him find that man. He knew that the journey would be made beautiful because of who walked by his side.

As they completed the final form, he saw Elijah's eyes shine with tears. 'He saw,' Sean thought. 'He knew too. He felt it too.' And he reached out and pulled Elijah into his arms and held him as close as he could, rocking their bodies together. "God," he whispered. "I never want to let you go."

"So much strength," Elijah whispered to him. "So much strength in your eyes, Sean. So much love."

"So much wisdom in yours," Sean whispered back. "And the love is there too. All I'd ever want or need in a lifetime."

Elijah leaned back and, taking Sean's face in his hands, looked into his eyes again. He bit his lip against a sob as he watched the clear, golden-green of his eyes deepen into sparkling emerald. "You did the forms perfectly, you know."

"But you weren't looking, baby," Sean countered. "How could you know?"

Elijah smiled, and something in his smile took Sean's breath. "I could tell because of the peace in your eyes. It's not about doing the moves perfectly. It's about finding the perfection within you."

Sean kissed his forehead. "Your eyes led me there," he murmured.

Elijah's arms wrapped around his neck tightly. He pressed his face against Sean's neck. For a long moment their two bodies pressed together as one.

Then Elijah's head lifted and his mouth found Sean's ear: "Sap," he teased.

Sean nodded. "Guilty as charged."

Elijah leaned back. "Wanna kick my ass at Mortal Combat?" he offered.

Sean nodded slowly. "Yeah. Actually I do, grasshopper.' He levered Elijah into a headlock and dragged him toward the sliding doors. Elijah dissolved into a fit of laughter, clinging to Sean's waist for support. They went into the house and closed the door behind them.


End file.
